SOME FEELINGS SHOULD ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED, EVERY LITTLE DETAIL

Life will always play its games of good times, bad times. I have stopped complaining about having to see bad times more frequently because life would be bland without them. I mean, we won’t fully appreciate light if we haven’t seen darkness and we can't truly be joyful if we have tasted sadness. Always have my fair share of the good times and the bad times to go with them just like every other human, I presume. I just struggle through the bad times to stand on my feet again, laugh through the good times for relief then look forward to the next thing after putting every other thing behind me. 

I never really go back to how happy I was when my kid brother was born and held my finger in his little hands or how sad I was when the teacher called someone else for first place. But you see, really bad times when you think you’re done for transitioning into good times you thought will never come is a different feeling. I don’t get these transitioning moments every time but it is touching to get sorted out of a mess you thought you'd die in. Then what? After a couple of hours, I forget everything that I would have loved to remember forever while appreciating my breakthrough over and over again.

I forget how I thought up a million ideas for solution, how exhausted I felt every new day because there’s isn’t a workable solution yet, and how guilty I felt whenever I had to laugh knowing there is an issue that needed to be worked out. I forget how I fought the urge to tell my situation to the girl next door and see if she had any solution suggestion, how I cried so much because I felt helpless. I forget how far I was from happiness, how my anxiety shot right straight up, and how much I wanted to disappear from everything before that life-changing moment.

Then, I forget the people that came through, pulling me out of that dark misery. I forget how I felt seeing my worries all melt away magically, how I sat in silence for minutes because I couldn’t believe the moment would ever come, how my heart was heavy with happiness I thought I’d never get sad again. I forget everything and I’m lying on my bed trying to figure out what the next shit would be like.

I want to remember. I want to remember how alive I felt right after feeling so dead. I want to remember how I overcame that hard time. I want to remember everything. It'll make the next big shit less painful and more hopeful.

Read next:https://purple-pours.blogspot.com/2023/04/a-suicidal-day-in-my-life.html