I HATE TO THINK

TMI, but I still want to do it🙂

I should have known it would get worse when my heart breaks into tiny pieces and the tears have their way any time I have to worry about anything yet I can’t help but worry about everything every time like why is there one crack on that perfect wall, do I have enough for the next ten years, have I made the right decision, and on and on and on.
It's normal for a rational person to think but I think I do beyond thinking. Here is it, I just don’t worry my mind out, my body goes its extreme with the reaction.
A younger me would cry until I’m able to sort it out or maybe get sufficiently distracted from it but my response to uneasiness just got worse as I aged. Now, it starts with something happening to disrupt the peace my heart hath had, then I try to block my mind off it to entirely no avail. My gum starts acting up. It is important to note that I do not suffer tooth problems, I never had. At that point, my gum just becomes heavy and painful and my tongue starts to itch. In severe cases, my shoulders start to ache too. It’s crazy, I know. Then comes the numbness of my hands and feet. They feel completely lifeless like I just got them with zero instruction on how to use them. My vision begins to blur. Then comes the chilly feeling. It starts to feel strangely cold. At this point, if I still can’t sort out the cause of my worry, I let out hot painful tears silently. I begin to feel so small, powerless, and unlucky. Everything persists for about 30 minutes to 1 hour if it’s too painful to sleep immediately but eventually, I opt for my bed to escape reality and make time run faster.

Because of all of this, I live in constant fear of something getting me high and through the entire process all over again which is why I appear anxious most of the time. I hate to think!